Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Also known as Self-Compassion (Neff)
Kristin Neff's first book: treat yourself as you would a struggling friend
At a glance
What it argues
Be your own friend, Change from care, not from worthlessness, Better than self-esteem
See all 3Key ideas
Self-kindness, Common humanity, Mindfulness …
See all 5Read next
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, Fierce Self-Compassion, Self-compassion
See all 3Connections
Kristin Neff, Self-compassion and 2 others
See all 4
Also on this page: Key facts · Links · Sources · Related pages
- Neff's popular introduction to self-compassion, the field she founded as a research topic.
- Self-compassion means being kind to yourself when you suffer, fail or feel inadequate.
- It has three parts: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
- Unlike self-esteem, it does not depend on succeeding or feeling above average.
- Exercises and audio downloads teach the three parts.
Why it matters
- For anyone whose inner voice is harsh, and for a therapy learner who wants the plain-language source behind the Self-Compassion Scale and the MSC program.
Key facts
- Author
- Kristin Neff1
- Published
- 2011; UK edition on sale 7 July 2011, later a 10th anniversary edition with a new foreword1
- Publisher
- William Morrow (US)4
- UK publisher
- Hachette UK1
- ISBN
- 9781444738186 (UK ebook)1
- Audience
- General readers; Neff calls it "a great entry point to being kinder to yourself"3
- Format
- Exercises with audio downloads1
What it argues
-
Be your own friend3
Self-compassion is a U-turn: giving yourself the compassion you would naturally give a friend who is struggling.
-
Change from care, not from worthlessness3
You may still try to change, but because you care about yourself, not because you are unacceptable as you are.
-
Better than self-esteem3
Self-esteem rises when you succeed and falls when you fail; self-compassion needs no feeling of being special or better than others.
Key ideas
-
Self-kindness3
Being warm and understanding toward yourself when you suffer or fail, rather than harsh and self-critical.
-
Common humanity3
Suffering and imperfection are part of being human, so they connect you to others instead of isolating you.
-
Mindfulness3
Turning toward pain with balance, neither suppressing nor exaggerating it, so you are not swept away by negative thoughts.
-
The key question3
Self-compassion asks "What do I need right now?" to ease the suffering in this moment.
-
Measured, not just preached4
Neff built the 26-item Self-Compassion Scale (2003) around the same three components the book teaches.
Read next
-
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook
The same ideas turned into a step-by-step practice course with guided meditations.
-
The sequel: the active, protective side of self-compassion.
-
The topic page: the research, the scale debate and the self-compassion break.
Connections
Links
Sources
- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff (Hachette UK) (opens hachette.co.uk)
- Books by Dr. Neff (self-compassion.org) (opens self-compassion.org)
- What is Self-Compassion? (self-compassion.org) (opens self-compassion.org)
- Kristin Neff (Wikipedia) (opens en.wikipedia.org)
- Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff (Open Library search) (opens openlibrary.org)
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