Radical acceptance

Stop fighting the facts1

Accept the situation and the feelings that come with it, without judging them; this brings less distress overall.

Pain versus suffering2

"The desperate clinging desire for something different than what actually is turns pain into suffering."

Not passive1

It is a stance of neither approval nor resignation, so you can then decide calmly whether and how to act.

A practice, not a single moment2

Acceptance is a continual turning of the mind towards it, again and again.

The lost car keys5

Searching the same coat pocket again and again is a failure to accept that the keys are not there; once you accept it, you can start actually finding them.

The socks on the couch6

It is meant for everyday things that cannot be changed but trigger strong reactions, such as a partner leaving dirty socks on the couch again.

In a client's words8

"It comes down to acceptance because then I don't fight with myself over my illness and then I'm able to be more aware of my emotional state when I react, so I don't react straight away."

What it sounds like inside1

Illustration: after being turned down for a job, someone tells themselves, "This happened. I don't like it and I can't change it. What do I do next?", acknowledging the fact without approving of it.

Past, present and future5

Clients practise accepting the mistakes of the past, the reality of the present and limits on the future; thinking "things have always been this way" only deepens the misery.

Accepting a hard stretch7

In a published case, the client's skills plan included radically accepting that family events with food would stay hard until her eating improved, and practising half-smile and willing hands to accept her body.

Mistaken for resignation6

In a group after brain injury, many participants resisted the skill because they believed accepting their situation would mean giving up.

Therapists practise it too5

DBT therapists must accept that people with borderline personality disorder tend to make slow, episodic progress.

Linehan's own words2

"Radical Acceptance is the only way out of hell."

Linehan and Zen3

Linehan built DBT's core skills as translations of meditation practice, and held that people must accept things as they are through radical acceptance.

Acceptance plus change3

In DBT, mindfulness and distress tolerance are the acceptance skills; emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness are the change skills.

A separate book4

Tara Brach's book Radical Acceptance (2003) uses the phrase for Buddhist practices of overcoming self-hatred.

Early in DBT1

The first sessions introduce the dialectic of acceptance and change, starting with radical acceptance.

In a crisis1

As a distress tolerance skill alongside self-distraction and self-soothing, to bear pain without making it worse.