Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Also known as Hold Me Tight, Hold Me Tight (2008), Hold Me Tight (Johnson, 2008)
Sue Johnson's guide for couples to the seven conversations of emotionally focused therapy
At a glance
What it argues
Love is attachment, Not better arguing, Reconnect
See all 3The seven conversations
1. Recognizing the Demon Dialogues, 2. Finding the Raw Spots, 3. Revisiting a Rocky Moment …
See all 7Examples from the book
Stories and exercises
Read next
Love Sense, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection, Emotionally focused couples therapy
See all 3Connections
Sue Johnson, Emotionally focused couples therapy and 2 others
See all 4
Also on this page: Key facts · Links · Sources · Related pages
- Sue Johnson's book for couples, built on emotionally focused couple therapy.
- Its premise: adults are emotionally attached to and dependent on a partner, much as a child is on a parent.
- So learning to argue better or analysing childhood misses the point, Johnson says.
- The fix is to be open, attuned and responsive, and to re-establish emotional connection.
- Seven guided conversations take a couple from spotting their negative cycle to keeping love alive.
Why it matters
- For couples, and for anyone learning couples therapy who wants the model in plain language.
- By its publisher's count it has sold more than a million copies.
Key facts
- Author
- Sue Johnson1
- Published
- 8 April 20081
- Publisher
- Little, Brown and Company2
- Pages
- 3201
- ISBN
- 97803161130072
- Audience
- Couples and general readers1
- Sales
- More than 1 million copies sold (publisher's figure)1
- Influence
- Became the Hold Me Tight workshop programme for couples, later adapted for parents and teens, Christian couples, cardiac patients and online use2
What it argues
-
Love is attachment1
You are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the way a child is on a parent for soothing and protection.
-
Not better arguing1
“Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions.”
-
Reconnect1
Enhance or save a relationship by being open, attuned and responsive, and re-establishing emotional connection.
The seven conversations
-
1. Recognizing the Demon Dialogues2
Spot the destructive cycle and what each partner is really trying to say.
-
2. Finding the Raw Spots2
Look past the instant reaction to the sore spot being hit.
-
3. Revisiting a Rocky Moment2
Replay a fight to de-escalate it and build safety.
-
4. Hold Me Tight2
The heart of the programme: partners become accessible, responsive and engaged with each other.
-
5. Forgiving Injuries2
Injuries do not disappear; they are folded into conversations of renewal.
-
6. Bonding Through Sex and Touch2
Emotional connection makes for better sex, and good sex deepens connection.
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7. Keeping Your Love Alive2
Love is a continual losing and finding of connection, so keep tending it on purpose.
Examples from the book
-
Stories and exercises1
Each conversation is taught through stories from Johnson's practice and practical exercises for the couple.
Read next
-
Johnson's follow-up on the science of love behind the conversations.
-
The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection
The therapist's manual for the same model.
-
Emotionally focused couples therapy
The approach and its evidence.
Connections
Written by
Links
Sources
Last checked against its sources today
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