You Are the One You've Been Waiting For
Also known as You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships, You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships
Richard Schwartz applies Internal Family Systems to couples and intimate relationships
At a glance
What it argues
Courageous love, Our own parts
See all 2Key ideas
The Three Projects, Healing exiles, Cultural assumptions
See all 3Examples from the book
Nobody else can do it
Criticism and limits
Evidence still thin, Called pseudoscientific
See all 2Read next
Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Emotionally focused couples therapy
See all 2Connections
Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems and Emotionally focused couples therapy
See all 3
Also on this page: Key facts · Links · Sources · Related pages
- A common belief is that relationships fail for lack of communication skills and empathy; Schwartz questions it.
- In IFS, the mind holds many parts, and most relationship problems come from asking a partner to care for our disowned parts.
- Healing those parts is our own job, through Self-leadership.
- A relationship can then become a safe place where partners help each other heal and grow.
Why it matters
- For couples and couples therapists who want an IFS view of intimacy.
- It suits readers who already know the basic parts model.
Key facts
- Author
- Richard C. Schwartz1
- Published
- 2008 (Trailheads)2
- New edition
- 2023, Sounds True, subtitled Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships3
- Publisher
- Sounds True (2023); Trailheads (2008)3
- Pages
- 192 (2023 paperback)4
- ISBN
- 9781683643623 (2023 paperback)4
- Audience
- Therapists and laypeople1
What it argues
Key ideas
-
The Three Projects1
Why we think we must change our partner, change ourselves, or give up on intimacy.
-
Healing exiles1
Changing how our most vulnerable parts shape how we treat each other.
-
Cultural assumptions1
Recognizing and disarming cultural assumptions that create shame, guilt and isolation in relationships.
Examples from the book
-
Nobody else can do it1
"No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us."
Criticism and limits
Read next
-
Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model
The basic parts model the book assumes.
-
Emotionally focused couples therapy
A widely studied couples approach to compare.
Connections
Links
Sources
- You Are the One You've Been Waiting For (Sounds True) (opens soundstrue.com)
- You are the one you've been waiting for, Trailheads 2008 (Open Library) (opens openlibrary.org)
- You Are the One You've Been Waiting For, Sounds True 2023 (Open Library) (opens openlibrary.org)
- IFS Institute store: books (opens ifs-institute.com)
- Internal Family Systems Model (Wikipedia) (opens en.wikipedia.org)
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